I know exactly how that is. To love somebody who doesn’t deserve it. Because they are all you have. Because any attention is better than no attention. For exactly the same reason, it is sometimes satisfying to cut yourself and bleed. On those gray days where eight in the morning looks no different from noon and nothing has happened and nothing is going to happen and you are washing a glass in the sink and it breaks-accidentally-and punctures your skin. And then there is this shocking red, the brightest thing in the day, so vibrant it buzzes, this blood of yours. That is okay sometimes because at least you know you’re alive.
I really still don't think this Secret Santa thing is going to work at all.
Half the people can’t go to the actual party. I don’t really have a good idea of who’s going and who isn’t. We’re going to need chips and paper plates and other things I have no way of obtaining. I apologize. If you end up without your secret santa there, tell me, and I have some extra gifts. (Also, those who need to get me their gift to give to your person at the party, tell me? I need to get a hold of them before Friday.)
Also, anybody mind giving Erica a ride to the party? Even if you don’t drive. Just let her ride with you. (I’m hoping one of you Sarahs will?)
I'm freezing.
Why is it always so cold in this house?
I need to get my priorities straight.
I have 92876547389284754389 things to do, and the only one that I actually want to is the thing I don’t even need to.
This is dedicated to Dani! It describes our afternoon perfectly, in dramatic poem form.
I need words,
But you won’t give me any.
Now what?
You don’t know.
But then you smile
And we laugh.
Your mom interrupts.
And says we have to clean.
Oh, but we already are, can’t you see?
Under the bed, off the floor, in the corners.
All the little things.
And it’s so beautiful.
But so are you.
It’s a shame, you say.
And then it goes quiet.
I try to make conversation.
But you leave.
BITCH.
At Dani's.
Some fucktard pulled out in front of us and we almost died. It kinda shook me up, but whatever. Judd and Dani are taking pictures. I totally bombed my band exam, but I made a 96 on the English exam.
The day was okay, so far.
When you read this, I'll be at school.
I don’t really know why I’m going to queue this post. I guess I figure everybody will be up by then (now, I guess, for you guys?).
Well. I stayed up way entirely too late last night, which was pretty stupid on my part, but I had fun. Now I’m like half dead. I’m hoping mom will stop for coffee or something.
Anyways, by the time you read this, I’m sure I’ll be in English class, just sitting there since I don’t have to take the exam. I’m bringing Gates Perks today to read, and I myself am gonna re-read Nineteen Minutes.
Well, Mom is screaming at me, and I don’t want to get on her bad side, because I’m asking her for money in a minute. I’ll red you guys later.
This is too early. I need coffee. On a side note, sad country love songs will be my downfall.
Holy God. It's midnight.
I need to go to bed, now.
That is not a phrase, Hannah. You cannot just make up phrases.
(via ericaeatssocks)
Oh, but I can. And I did.
Try that bra on for size.
